What to Expect When You Are Grieving

by Deb Kosmer

• Expect the unexpected.
• Expect to be different than you were.
• Expect that life will be different.
• Your expectations for yourself may be too high.
• Other people’s expectations of you almost certainly will be too high or unrealistic.
• Expect that, even when you start to have good days, there will still be bad days. That is the nature of grief.
• Two steps forward, two steps back.
• There is no formula.
• Expect to need others. Grief is difficult enough. It is more difficult if you try to do it alone.
• Expect that you will have questions. The questions may have to do with grief itself, the death of your loved one and/or may even be questioning God himself.
• Expect that, for some questions, there will not be answers and when there are, they may not be acceptable to you.
• Many people question why they are still here. You may, also. This kind of questioning is usually a search for finding meaning and a reason to go on and is not usually indicative of suicidal thoughts.
• Expect that, while you can do things to aid in your healing, it will happen on its own timetable, not yours.
• Expect that special days such as birthdays and anniversaries will be more difficult. Plan for them.
• Expect to be caught unaware by things that make you think of your loved one and invoke happy or sad feelings. These are called triggers.
• Expect to feel the sun again. Expect feelings of hope to return. Expect that life will be good again and, one day, it will.