Living in the Moment

by Deb Kosmer

Living in the moment may sound like good advice; a reminder that when we live in the past or put our life on hold until some hoped for future, we may miss the beauty and the magic of today. However, what about when there is no magic and we can't see the beauty because our eyes are blinded by tears or our heart is so full of anger and despair. Where do we live then?

Another thing people often say is; "This is the only moment we have." This moment then becomes a life sentence to those whose hearts have just been broken. "This moment," when all hope we have seems to be lost, when we are hoping it is only a nightmare and soon our world will return to normal just by waking up, only to find the nightmare continues.

Some of us may have said these things ourselves. Some of us may have believed them. Now we are caught in a moment we cannot wait to get out of. We don't want to live in this moment. We don't want anything to do with this moment and yet here we are.

So what does living in the moment have to do with those who are grieving, those whose hearts have been broken? Does it still apply? As much as we might wish otherwise it still does. When we are grieving, we cannot run away from our pain. It will always outrun us. That does not keep people from trying. Some people try to escape it by drowning their sorrows in alcohol or drugs. Some through excessive eating or sleeping or long hours at work. None of these takes us out of our moment; they only serve as a temporary and unsuccessful distractions.

We may wonder what we are to do with "this moment"? Are there things that we can do with "this moment" that will help to ensure better moments lay ahead? We may also be wondering just how long this moment is going to last. For those who are grieving, even when it does not feel like it, there is hope. The road to hope is a road of hard work and many twists and turns. It is not a straight shot and does not come without cost. But for those who are willing hope waits.

Grief work requires us to stay in the moment, to feel its pain; our pain. To tell our story again and again and with each re-telling we begin to step free of our strait jacket of pain. As we do the hard work of grief we are using time to our advantage. Instead of time just passing by, it is taking us one moment at a time, to a moment when we can laugh again, when we can hope again, when we can love again.

Deb Kosmer, MSW is a bereavement support coordinator. She can be reached by emailing her at purplescarf@new.rr.com.